Feeling Positive About Negative Emotions
- Holly Melton
- Sep 20, 2019
- 5 min read
Inside Out (2015), isn't just a cute children's movie with emotion personifications. It actually has an extremely important lesson about emotions. Emotions are innate, deriving from evolution, and have a distinct purpose. They may sometimes seem and feel pointless, but they arise for a reason. Happiness cannot be without sadness, self compassion without anger, peace without anxiety, and health without disgust.
People don't want to feel negative emotions, for obvious reasons, because they feel uncomfortable. BUT, being uncomfortable is actually healthy. In the moment it may not feel good, but overall those emotions are actually helping you. We live in a positive emotion promoting society, where negative emotions are looked down upon. From gender expectations, to the need to be successful brought upon us by our industrialist society, we don't often get the chance to simply feel. I'm going to touch down on three major negative emotions, however if you would like to read more about this topic, I will post helpful links at the bottom. :)
Sadness
Being sad, a feeling people spend a lot of time trying to avoid. Should we though? I'm not talking about depression, grief, or long term mental struggles here, (those feelings are different, and sometimes do need help. Which, I'd like to mention, is completely okay!). Simply, the feeling of sadness.
Our brain has an amazing way of telling us things we already know, but need to acknowledge. Sadness is simply our brain telling us that something is missing, there's a truth we need to come to terms with, or we need change. The key is to understand why you're sad. This is not easy to do, because we want to avoid the feeling. I'm not saying jump into the rabbit hole, but take a peek. Actually think and reflect upon your sadness. Is it because you're feeling lonely? Your brain is telling you that you need to make a change to escape isolation. Do you miss someone, but were trying to avoid thinking about them? Your brain knows that too. Try reaching out, or if that's not a healthy option, try recalling the positive emotions from the memory of the person instead.
Just like in the movie, Inside Out, sadness can often be combined with happiness- especially in memories or our past. The objective is to brush through the dirt of sadness, to find the roots of happiness.
Anger
Anger is a tricky emotion, one that I often struggle with. It's hard to realize, but often anger is covering another emotion (usually sadness or fear). Introspection becomes a vital part of ourselves when looking at emotions. Again, listen to your brain. Are you angry because someone did you wrong? Is it actually fear that they will do it again? Sadness because you didn't think they were that type of person? Are you angry because you want someone to act a certain way, and they never do? Maybe you need to come to terms with the fact that they don't have the capacity to live up to your internal expectations. Listen to your emotions and what they are trying to tell you.
It is completely normal and okay to feel upset, but to utilize these emotions you need to reflect upon why they are arising. Are you angry at yourself? This is a huge question and occurrence in people. The answer? Self compassion. It may sound cliche, too gooey for your liking, but it's something to think about. Personally, I have a lot of anger inside that is directed at my self for events in my past. Holding onto that feeling, however, will do me no good. Why am I angry? What am I angry at specifically? Coming to terms with those answers, will hopefully make you realize that you are being too hard on yourself. Not everything is your fault, so it is not fair to yourself to assume responsibility for every little thing. The past is the past, it is over and done. You cannot change it, but you can reflect on it, accept lessons from it, and learn to forgive yourself.
Think about a loved one who is upset. What do you do? You comfort them. Self compassion is the same, except for yourself. It is okay to feel upset, you will get through it, you have a reason. Self compassion is not self-pity, self indulgence, or self esteem. It is being understanding and empathetic towards yourself, so you can work towards forgiving.
Anxiety
Gross. I don't know about you, but that's the first word that comes to my mind. As a person living with anxiety, this emotion is a hard one to wrestle. This trembling, nausea-filled, sweated emotion is the bane of a lot of our existences. Like all emotions, however, it too has it's purpose (no matter how hard that is to believe, it's simply true).
Evolutionary speaking, anxiety is an emotion meant to make you more alert. If you were a caveman hunting and a giant saber-toothed kitty cat was about to attack, you would feel anxious and think, "We need to get the f*ck out of here!". Helpful, right? Today, anxiety is still an emotion used to keep us safe. You know the saying, "listen to your gut"? You guessed it, that's anxiety. If you feel uncomfortable about a situation, it's probably not a good situation to be in.
But besides escaping predators, what happens when anxiety seems to take over your life? The same premise ensues, your fight or fight reflexes are there to keep you alive. However, some situations that aren't life threatening make us anxious too. That's okay, but don't let it take over you. When you feel anxious, your brain is yelling "something isn't right!". LISTEN! Your brain is literally screaming at you in the form physical and mental ailments, that you need to do something. Anxiety is meant to make you take action. If you feel extremely anxious, something in your life needs to change. You can harness your anxiety. Sometimes is might feel like you're trying to house-train that saber-toothed kitty, but with determination it can feel like trying to house-train a potted plant.
Anxiety can be transformed into a trigger for motivation and action. Something in your life isn't how you want it to be? Act on that. Make changes to your life that make you more comfortable in your own skin. Trust yourself and your brain, stay calm, and be patient with yourself. You anxiety only controls you if you let it.
Fun and Helpful (hopefully) Links
Anger
You can read more about Self Compassion here:
https://self-compassion.org/the-three-elements-of-self-compassion-2/
https://psychcentralreviews.com/2017/book-review-the-self-compassion-skills-workbook/
If you'd like to give it a shot, I recommend looking up Tim Desmond and his book "How to Stay Human in a F*cked-up World", with his accompanying workbook.
He is also featured on the podcast "Therapy Chat" (Episode 193) - https://baltimoreannapolispsychotherapypodcast.libsyn.com/
Anxiety
https://www.heysigmund.com/dealing-with-anxiety-anxious-mind-calm/
Despite my love for books with profanity, this is also a good read: "Unf*ck Your Brain", by Faith G. Harper
Tips from Me:
Being anxious all the time, I like to keep ice water near me at all times in public (usually school). If you feel your heart rate increasing, the sweat accumulating, and your brain starting to run wild... drink some ice water! It will help calm you down.
Worry rings are great if you like to fidget but people call your pen clicking annoying. Here is an example: Fidget Ring
BE CAREFUL. I am aware that weed has medicinal values, even for anxiety (this post is not about that). However, for some people it can also increase anxiety and even start panic attacks. Know which type of person you are.
I am obsessed with caffeine, but it is not helpful for anxiety. Try switching to decaf tea throughout the day.
Don't binge-drink. Seriously, this isn't healthy in any way.
Sadness
Also, watch this movie. It will make you cry.
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